The Birds and Bees 101

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by Dr. Chuck Baynard

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No Sex-No Babies-No Disease! So why do I hurt so much?

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Many teenagers enter this trying period of life with all the proper values and perspectives. Coming from Christian families they avoid many pitfalls of Satan. Yet, there seems to come a time when each teenager embarking on this road asks the question, if I am doing everything right, why do I hurt so much? This can be especially true when they have friends who are doing all the wrongs things (sex, drugs, etc.) and appear to be having so much more fun.

The key word in that last sentence is “appear.” There isn’t any contraceptive for hurt. When we reach out to others in care and love, we are going to get hurt sometimes. Sex isn’t an insurance policy against broken relationships nor does it insure a full date calendar.

Question: How many teens who had sex still have each other as much as one year later? Most will ask themselves, what is wrong with having sex with someone you love so much and we know it will last forever? The truth is most teenage relationships don’t last. Just because our bodies are ready for sex, does not mean our minds and hearts are.

Ending up pregnant or with a sexually transmitted disease is not the only way that sex can hurt you. Contraceptives fail far more often than anyone might think. There is no such thing as safe sex. Nonetheless, even if you are “lucky” and don’t get caught, premarital sex can leave emotional scars that will accompany you for the rest of your life.

What you think is love might only be sex. The human body responds powerfully to sexual urges.

It is extremely difficult to tell which you love, the person or the act. Sex can lead you into a relationship with the “wrong” person, or much worse married to them. Waiting to have sex until after marriage lets you find the person who is right, and one you can truly love.

As noted above, having sex is no guarantee that the relationship will last. Many a teen has given-in to sexual pressure to keep someone, only to see that person leave anyway. If you have to have sex to “keep” someone, are they worth keeping?

When you have had sex with someone, it can hurt even more to break up. When you have totally trusted someone, and totally given the most precious thing you have (yourself) to them, losing them is devastating. You feel cheap and used from this experience, more than any other. Realizing you have made a mistake entering this relationship causes even more problems. When sex has been involved, the relationship entered a depth of intimacy and commitment that are hard to walk away from; although you know it is wrong.

Again, there is no safe sex. Sex does not insure relationships, nor bring happiness. The only safe and smart way is to wait for marriage before having sex. After all you can have sex the rest of your life. You can only give yourself in this sense, once. How sad to have wasted this precious gift on the wrong person for the wrong reason.

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