by Dr. Chuck Baynard

.

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved (Romans 10:13).

Question: How do we share our faith with someone who says “I’m too great a sinner,” or “No one can love someone like me?”

In Christian counseling one of the first things we need to do is find out the spiritual condition of the person we are trying to help. We often find that we are dealing with a person who does not know Christ and they are talking to us because they have heard or think we do. Many are drawn to the church or known Christians to seek help. Thus, we will often hear such comments as these very early in our encounter with the person seeking help. God gave us the answer to every problem that we will ever face, Jesus Christ.

To begin helping another, we must first learn where they stand in relation to God’s kingdom. Not knowing Jesus Christ as their personal Savior leads to comments like those above. This can side-track many who sincerely want to help; but cannot satisfactorily put the issue of guilt for past sin to rest. Until this issue is confronted, the person seeking help cannot hear what they are trying to share.

Sin is dangerous: To begin with, never give the impression that the sins of the other person are not serious or can be taken lightly. Sin is an offense against God and even when dealing with a believer cannot be taken lightly. Sin separates us from the only true source of help, God. All sin is repulsive to God, but He loves us despite our sin. He loves us so much, that with an unconditional love He gave His Son to die for us.

God has already provided the answer: God loved us so much that He prepared a way for every sin we could ever commit before He even made the world or man. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6). Have the person read this verse to you. Ask them what God has done with sin. The answer is clear that God placed our sins upon Christ. The issue then is not what God has done about sin but what we have done. When this person sought you out for advice, they were already prepared to repent and ask God to forgive them for their sins. (They did not approach a Christian without expecting a Godly answer.) This moves us to the real problem they are facing; they feel guilty because of what they have done. Because they cannot see themselves forgiving some one who has wronged them this way, they can’t see how God can forgive them.

Whosoever will – Point out that Romans 10:13 says “whosoever” without limitation nor qualifying conditions. Everyone under this load of guilt is positive that they are the worst sinner to ever live, or they have committed the “unpardonable sin.” They can’t claim to be the world’s worst sinner, the Apostle Paul claimed this title for himself (1 Timothy 1:15). Since God has already forgiven and accepted the worst sinner to ever live into His kingdom, this person can’t have any sin that can’t be pardoned by God. Have they committed the unpardonable sin? No! If they have committed this sin their conscience will have been seared and they will not be talking to you about it.

No one refused: You can also point out that Jesus said “He that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out,” in John 6:37. Jesus also said that none can come unto Him unless God draws them to Him. This person is feeling the guilt and seeking God. Thus, they are being drawn to God by the Holy Spirit. This would not be happening if their sin could not be forgiven by God. The unpardonable sin is listed as blasphemy of the Holy Ghost. All of the passages in the Bible that mention this sin are parallel passages talking about the same incident. In this incident those involved not only denied the Holy Ghost but deliberately attributed the power of the Holy Ghost to Satan. All other sin, no matter how repulsive to man, can and will be forgiven when the person sincerely repents of their sin and asks God to forgive them.

God allows us to ask questions: In Isaiah we see God speaking this way, “Come let us reason together . . . though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. With man this along with many other things are impossible. With God, nothing is impossible! God wants to see all come to salvation in Jesus Christ. God provided the means of salvation and even gives us the ability to believe by the same unconditional grace that he saves us with. “We are saved by grace through faith; and that not of ourselves, it is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8). God never requires anything of us that He has not first given to us. Grace implies a free gift. If our salvation is by grace, we can’t give anything for it, including the act of believing. If we cannot earn our salvation (few debate this) then we cannot do anything to prevent it. Salvation begins, is maintained, and is finished by God, because of His love for man. We love God because He first loved us. This order will never be reversed.

This is the only answer: In dealing with this one issue you will not only bring much comfort to a hurting soul, you will have helped them solve most of their problems. Leading a hurting soul home to its creator brings peace and hope. The absence of inner peace and not being unable to see any hope brings humanity to its lowest point. Unfortunately it is only from this low point most will take the time to look up and see that what they have spent their life seeking was right before their face.

The human condition: As humans we tend to measure others and predict their reaction to events as we would react. It is hard to conceive of a Holy God who loves us not because of what we are, but despite what we are. When we add the broken relationships that flood the world, we have few earthly models to help us understand our relationship with God. Without this model, we cannot conceive of a loving parent. We expect punishment when we have done wrong, not love and pardon without conditions.

Christ is the final answer to all our questions about life: Helping another see that God’s love is real and for them too brings an end to their search. With their new hope in Christ they can pick up the pieces and go on to live life to its fullest in joy and victory. Pretty words? Yes, but so true! God so loved the world that He gave His son that all who should believe in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. That friends is the whole Gospel. All of the other things are only window dressing. Nice to have, but unnecessary for salvation. God prepared the way in Jesus Christ. God gives us the ability to believe in Him. All that is left for us to do is make use of the gift of faith to receive the gift of eternal life by believing in Jesus Christ.

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.

by Dr. Chuck Baynard

.

Temptation: its Nature, its Sources, the Means of Resistance, and its Uses

James 1:13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

I. The nature of the temptation.

To tempt is to try. We tempt a person when we put him to the test. This may be done:

1. To see what he will do, as when men tempt God. They put his patience, his power, his fidelity to the test; or call upon him for proof of his being what he is.

2. To show what is in the person tempted, as when God tempts man. Thus God is represented as trying his people, to bring their faith or patience into exercise and to render them conspicuous for the benefit of others.

3. This tempting may have for its object to lead into sin, as when Satan tempted Eve, Christ, and the wicked at all times. We are concerned with temptation to sin in this study.

II. Sources of such temptations.

What are some sources and kinds of temptation we all might face?

1. The world, which includes men and all earthly things.

First, the world presents the objects of our natural desires.

What are the objects of our natural desires?

Second, it presents objects to excite inordinate or unholy desires.

Name some unholy affections.

It holds up to wealth its honors, its pleasures for our pursuit, and by them the great majority of men are led into perdition.

Third, the world tempts as much by its threats as by its solicitations.

Name some ways we might be threatened into sinning by the world.

It threatens contempt, neglect, persecution, hatred.

Fourth, the men of the world seduce by their example and their principles, by their arguments and persuasions, by their denunciations and wrath.

2. The flesh, i.e., our corrupt nature, the evil heart, the remains of sin.

This is the impelling power which leads to sin. So far as the world is concerned it has little or no power, except so far as it tends to excite what is evil. This is not intended to indicate that a believer may not be tempted, as were Adam and Christ. But simply that the power of what is outward to lead into sin depends mainly on the evil that is within. Every man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed.

What does lust mean?

This term, lust, includes; 1st, the desires or appetites of the body; 2nd, the evil dispositions of the mind, pride, envy, malice, vanity, etc.

3. The devil. He is the great tempter. He tempted our first parents, David, Judas, Christ, Ananias and Sapphira. He tempts the children of disobedience and the people of God. They are cautioned against his devices and called upon to resist him.

Who do we know about the temptations of Satan?

First, that he does tempt the children of men, all men; us as well as others.

Second, how he does this we do not know.

Third, we cannot distinguish between his temptations and the suggestions of our own evil hearts, any more than we can between the leading of the Spirit and our own exercises.

Fourth, the temptations of Satan are subtle, powerful and greatly to be dreaded; not to be despised or made light of. Most men are led captive by him at his will.

Besides these general sources of temptation common to all men, there are others peculiar to particular times of life– youth, manhood and age; to particular seasons, as of prosperity and of adversity; to particular professions, etc.

III. Means of resisting temptation.

These are not the lessons of Philosophy, which teach the means of cultivating virtue. They are all supernatural or divine.

What are some of the biblical ways we can resist temptation?

1. Watch and pray lest you fall into temptation. Exercise the utmost care against the occasions and the beginnings of evil, and constantly look to God to protect you from being tempted, and to deliver you when temptation comes. He has taught us to say daily, Lead us not into temptation.

2. Another means is instant resistance. Let there be no playing around with evil. This is applicable to all kinds of temptations.

3. Faith in Christ, i.e., believing appeals to him as our Savior, our King to protect us from all our spiritual enemies.

What are the uses, of temptation?

1. They teach us our weakness and reveal the evil that is within us.

2. They teach us to depend on God.

3. They exercise and strengthen our graces.

4. They qualify us to sympathize with others and to aid them.

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.

by Dr. Chuck Baynard

My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?

Coping with the death of someone close:

I am sure many will identify with the “bad” parts of this illustration. It is my hope and prayer you will also be able to identify with the positive experiences and move forward toward healing in your life.

Joe waves goodbye from the driveway as his wife Shirley, the three girls, along with his in-laws pull out of the drive to meet with several other families at the Church. Joe has some work that he has to finish, planning to join the family later at a church campground several hours away.

Two hours later Joe listens in shock as a state police officer tells him that Shirley, his in-laws and oldest child are dead. His youngest child is in the hospital in critical but stable condition. His middle daughter had chosen to ride with friends and was not in the same car when the accident happened. Change the names and the event and this story could be the story of hundreds of Christians who face such tragic scenes every day.

After receiving such news the next few hours and days will always be a blur. So many things going on, so many decisions, you seem to move in slow motion, a mist seems to hang over everything. Many strong believers in searching for a way to help and comfort those left behind in such circumstances, especially the children suddenly find they too are like a child, they have no answers to share. For the first time in their life they face deep depression.

How do you help someone who has just went through something like this?

What verses of the Bible can you use to bring help and comfort?

How can a person help themselves when they are in such a situation?

Don’t take your own advice that they don’t want to see anyone and you don’t know what to say anyway and just stay away and not even call them.

Don’t soft step around them as if they are children and unable to handle the truth.

Don’t talk around or over them as if they are not there.

Don’t let them have their way and spend long periods of time alone.

Do exactly for them what you know would be a help to you.

Do be sensitive to their needs, but not over bearing in forcing help upon them.

Do make yourself available to them.

Self Help:

Don’t retreat, be a part of the world that was yours before this event.

Don’t be afraid to tell friends who offer exactly what to do, even if that is nothing but to sit down and be there, but don’t talk.

Do keep memories alive, they are a part of you that will die with the memory if you allow it.

Do get out and go back to work or whatever your “normal” routine was before this event.

Do trust God He is with you in the hurt and grief.

Do read the Bible and pray every day.

Do attend church and other meetings faithfully.

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.

.

by Dr. Chuck Baynard

.

Stop the Roller Coaster (Living beyond the daily grind)

.

Susan sat watching the sun go down quite unaware of the chill in the air. She was lost in her thoughts. She had been unable to think of anything for weeks now. Since she learned she was adopted it seemed she couldn’t think of anything but questions she had no answers for and none seemed available. She wondered what her real parents looked like? Who did she favor, her mother or father? Why had they chosen to give her away at birth? She loved her parents, the only parents she had ever known. They were good people, and had given her nothing but love and attention. She knew she should be thankful for the home she had and there was nothing to be gained from this idle speculation – still!

.

Mike sat on the park bench with tears barely hidden beneath the surface as he watched a man tossing a football back and forth with a boy his age. What would it be like to have a dad? He thought to himself how different things would be if he had a father at home, a man who would understand him and who would do things with him. He drifted from anger directed toward his dad for dying and anger at God for allowing his dad to die. He believed, and he had prayed so hard that night at the hospital, but still his dad had died. It didn’t seem fair, and now he was all alone in the world. He knew his mother tried to fill both rolls. His dad had left enough money so they weren’t in any real trouble in that department — still!

.

Sherrie looked at the clock for the hundredth time in the last five minutes. Mom was overdue and she knew she would burst through the door any moment now. She ran over the task list she had found in its usual place on the refrigerator when she came in from school. She couldn’t think of anything she had not done, but she was sure mom would find something and that what she had done would be wrong. It seemed as if it were impossible to please her mom anymore. She so seldom spoke without it being a complaint or to bark an order. She couldn’t remember the last time her mom had just hugged her and said I love you. If only mom didn’t have to work maybe she would be in a better mood. If dad showed her more attention instead of working over or always being gone doing an odd job for someone else, or at the church or wherever except home. He had his way out, Sherrie felt trapped, surely God didn’t really want her to live like this. She counted the days until she got out of school and start her own life. Her thoughts were shattered with the front door slamming shut. Mom was home – here we go again! The what if tape began to play in her mind again even as she thought how blessed she really was, she had both parents, a home, clothes, and the list went on — still!

.

There is a saying that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Perhaps you have watched a farm animal go to great lengths and through all sorts of contortions to eat through a barbed wire fence when the grass was just as deep and pretty on the pasture side of the fence. While all these examples have at least some reason for the if only or what if mind games people seem so prone to play, it is just as true almost everyone fails to see the blessings in their own life and plays these same games.

.

“But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at last your care for me has flourished again; though you surely did care, but you lacked opportunity. Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Nevertheless you have done well that you shared in my distress.” (Philippians 4:10-14 NKJV)

.

Question: How do we overcome negative thoughts and obsessions with things like those in these stories, or situations we can’t change?

.

Obviously we give it to Christ, but that seems to be a silly answer when it hurts so much. How do we go about this? What can I actually do that will help me? What can I do for a friend who is going through something like this and constantly beating up on themselves?

.

If we would pay attention we would see that God doesn’t promise us a magic show and all these things just drop into our laps out of the sky. This is why Paul said in this verse, “I have learned in whatever state I am to be content” God gives us the ability, the power, we must do something with it.

.

Answers:

.

1. Take a timer and set it for 30 minutes. When the timer goes off write down the thought that was on top at that very second, don’t think about it write down the first thing you can when the timer sounds. Reset the timer and do the same thing again. Repeat this process until you have at least twelve entries. This may take a few days if you can’t be alone with a timer for long periods of time. Others being aware and interfering will hinder or ruin the process.

.

A. Look at this list and count how many are really the same thought?

.

B. How many are negative, what if, if only, poor me type thoughts?

.

C. How many are very general thoughts, such as no one cares, everybody does?

.

D. The devil will play mind games with you and like a broken record keep putting the same bad or negative thoughts into your head. He will use general terms that have no real handle so you can see the lie. For example everyone instead of John hates you.

.

This is how we recognize these as evil or wrong thoughts. They are constantly the same or a variation on a common theme, always negative, and general enough they can’t be checked out easily. In the pattern we recognize the enemy and know we need to be on our spiritual guard, for we have entered the realm of the mind and spirit, not reality.

.

We combat this then with spiritual weapons. The first thing we need to do is take this list and sit down with the Bible and find the verse where God has taken care of this problem for us, claim that promise. Study the Bible, I promise you there is a verse just for you and God will use the Holy Spirit to show you the answer, but you have to do your part, study the Bible. When we know it is a lie, and God has taken care of this exact thing, the broken record stops spinning and we regain composure and perspective. We can deal with life.

.

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.

.

by Dr. Chuck Baynard

Situational Ethics

Ethics: As a philosophy is the study of human conduct in light of moral principles, which may be viewed as the individuals standard of conduct, or as a body of social obligations and duties. As such we all have a set of ethics which directs how we react to certain situations and how we conduct ourselves. There are those who believe ethics can change according to the situation. In the following stories place yourself in the situation of the main character and decide what you would do.

While as Christians we would hope all agree there is only one right answer to any question under any circumstance, what glorifies God? This is not the case when we find ourselves mixing with the real world where there may be issues that appear to be okay in certain circumstances. As Christians that which is clearly sin is forbidden to us in word or deed. What isn’t sin by direct transgression of the law of God isn’t always permissible for us and here is where situations can appear to be a part of the Christian ethic.

Mary is head over hills in love with Frank. Frank says he is a Christian and attends church with Mary. However Frank drinks and sometimes drinks enough that it affects his behavior. When Mary says anything about drinking Frank gets angry and will not talk to her, often for several days. Mary has decided that since he doesn’t get really drunk, and only drinks too much once in awhile it is okay with her. She decides if it is okay with her, it is really no one else’s business anyway. What would you do? What is the biblical answer?

Janice is in her first year of college and away from home for the first time. She has been at parties where there was alcohol before. In high school she could refuse because she had to go home and her parents would know she had been drinking. She used her non-drinking parents to not have to take part. Now she doesn’t have this excuse and rather than cause a scene or be labeled so she isn’t invited to parties she had decided she will take the drink when offered but will either just sip at it, or not drink it, just have it in her hand so she appears to be drinking with the crowd. Is it okay for Janice to do this? What would you do? What is the biblical answer?

Bubba is on the football team. In the locker room all of the boys seem to use profanity all of the time. Bubba doesn’t like this, but is afraid he will be an outcast if he says anything. Besides saying something will not stop the profanity. He has decided that rather than be labeled and shut out of the group, he will use some little cuss words in the locker room so they don’t come down on him. He rationalizes that he can’t change them, and God will understand if he doesn’t use the big G-word or condemn anyone to hell. Then he can always silently ask God to forgive him when he does use a profane word this way. What would you do? What is the biblical answer?

Alicia has just gotten permission from her parents to go to the beach with several other girls after her high school graduation. Everyone knows (parents included) that most of the high school boys will also be attending this get beach trip. Alicia’s three closest friends with whom she will be staying at the beach have all purchased new bathing suits for the trip. Suits isn’t quite what Alicia would call them, they barely qualify as three large band-aids. Alicia tries the old parents want agree routine to which the reply is they won’t know and one of us will take the bathing suit in our bags. Whether she gets caught or not isn’t the issue as much as Alicia really doesn’t want to expose herself this way at anytime and more especially with boys around. The pressure is really heavy since the other girls have all decided to buy this type of suit and wear them at the beach as sort of a coming out statement.

What would you do?

What is the biblical answer?

What does the word ethics mean to you?

Do you think there is such a thing as a Christian ethic?

How would you handle a situation where someone thought what you were doing was wrong; in other words reverse the above situation and you are the one who wants to do these things and one close friend says no it is wrong to do that? Do you stand your ground or go with the majority as being the standard?

Does the Bible teach ethics in a way that can be applied to every situation we might face?

Abstain from every form of evil. (1 Thessalonians 5:22 NKJV)

[Abstain from all appearance of evil.] Of doctrinal evil. Not only open error and heresy are to be avoided, but what has any show of it, or looks like it, or carries in it a suspicion of it, or may be an occasion thereof, or lead unto it; wherefore all new words and phrases of this kind should be shunned, and the form of sound words held fast; and so of all practical evil, not only from sin itself, and all sorts of sin, lesser or greater, as the Jews have a saying, “take care of a light as of a heavy commandment,” that is, take care of committing a lesser, as a greater sin, and from the first motions of sin; but from every occasion of it, and what leads unto it, and has the appearance of it, or may be suspected of others to be sin, and so give offence, and be a matter of scandal. The Jews have a saying very agreeable to this,

“remove thyself afar off (or abstain) from filthiness, and from everything, “that is like unto it”.”

There are some who want to say this means the things that are actually evil. However as shown in the explanation above, and referring to the Jewish traditions upon which the Bible is based we see more is intended. The actual word in the Greek means countenance or face of, or to be literal looks like. We are not to do anything that would allow another to charge us of ungodly conduct or thought. No situation can change this.

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.

by Dr. Chuck Baynard

.

Meet Charlie Gunboat! Charlie comes from that section of town no one wants to live in. Just living in this area attaches a bad image to your name. (Charlie doesn’t know this yet.) Charlie’s family doesn’t have much. His dad works hard while mom watches all the kids and tries to keep order in the house. Nonetheless Charlie’s family has a hard time meeting the necessary expenses and there is nothing left for extras. (Charlie doesn’t know what he doesn’t have and can’t have yet.)

Charlie’s parents love each other and him. They provide for him the best they can. Charlie is happy at home and doesn’t realize that all homes aren’t just like his. Charlie’s happy world took a few bumps his first year in school. First he learned that other kids had things he didn’t have. When he asked his parents if he could have some of these things he always got the same answer; maybe later, but we can’t afford them right now. What does afford mean anyway? When is later? School is almost over and later hasn’t arrived yet. It would be neat to have a pair of those new sneakers and an NFL jacket before school was out. Maybe later would come before school was out! Charlie sure hoped later would come soon, he wouldn’t need these things once school was out and there was no one to show them to.

By the third grade Charlie knew later would probably never arrive and that can’t afford meant no. He is much more aware of what he doesn’t have. He has also begun to understand that the “neat” kids wouldn’t want to live where he does. Charlie spent the night with a friend from school this year. Wow! The things this family had in their home. They had carpets on all the floors and two cars. Charlie was impressed. He was also ashamed of who he was and where he came from for the first time in his life. He didn’t accept any more over night invitations for fear he would be expected to invite someone to spend the night at his home. It was never possible for Charlie to go to parties either. He didn’t want to have to invite anyone to his home for a party. Buying even a small present would be impossible too. He never had any money of his own and his parents always told him they couldn’t “afford” extra things.

The fifth grade was one of the hardest for Charlie. He had done well in the other grades but the more he learned the more he resented his home and the more aware he became of the environment his family lived in. It didn’t help that many of his classmates made fun of him. If they weren’t laughing at his clothes, it was his hair. He didn’t have to turn down invitations anymore because no one invited Charlie to anything. Charlie became lonely and depressed.

Charlie found a solution to many of his troubles in the seventh grade. One of the “popular” boys was putting Charlie down after school. Charlie tried to walk away, but this boy wouldn’t back off. Finally Charlie blew up totally. He turned on the other boy who was twice his size and began to pound him with both fists. To Charlie’s surprise the other boy began to cry and run away almost from the first blow. Charlie felt the pride rise in his heart for the first time in many years. He had beaten someone at something. All the way home Charlie runs instant replays of the encounter through his mind.

Charlie has been taught that fighting isn’t the way to solve anything. His Sunday school teacher has taught the lesson about turning the other cheek. His parents will probably punish him when they find out he started a fight. They have told him before that he isn’t to start any fights. They have also explained that words aren’t a reason to hit someone and that Charlie is to walk away rather than hit someone first. Charlie decides he will just keep his episode to himself and stay out of trouble with his parents.

Charlie walks around school a bit taller the next day. At recess two boys tell Charlie that he shouldn’t have hit their friend and they are going to get him after school. Without warning Charlie turns and hits the closest boy with a solid right to the nose. The boy’s face is covered with blood instantly. For just a split second Charlie is afraid he has really hurt the other boy. But, only for a second as he begins to swing at the second boy who is rapidly retreating from the scene.

Our hero finds himself in the principal’s office and he isn’t as bold now. He is scared of what the principal is going to do and even more afraid of what his parents are going to say later. Charlie “lies” about what happened. Charlie tells him one boy was trying to hold him while the other hit him because he had hit one of their friends the day before. He says that he “bumped” the boy holding him with his head while he was trying to get away and didn’t really hit him on purpose. The boy with the bloody nose isn’t hurt and both admit they were out to get Charlie. The principal lets Charlie off with a stern warning about fighting. This time Charlie does tell his parents he was in a fight. However, he tells his version of the event and that the principal didn’t punish him since the other boys “started” the fight and he didn’t mean to hurt the other boy.

We have just witnessed the birth of a bully and the circumstances of life have an effect on the life of a boy for many years to come.  The incident with the two boys was the last actual fight Charlie has been in for several years. As with all stories this fight got bigger every time it was told. One version had Charlie taking on six boys at once. Charlie did his part to embellish the details every chance he got. He is far from the biggest boy in school, but he has the reputation of being the meanest. No one is anxious to test his ability against the “lightning speed and deadly accuracy of Charlie’s fists.”

No one laughs at Charlie anymore either (not where he can hear or see them anyway). Charlie always has a chip on his shoulder and loudly proclaims his intent to pulverize someone at the slightest provocation. Charlie has learned that the treat is as good as the deed in most circumstances. He pushes everyone to the limits. He seems to have acquired an uncanny ability to know just who he can push how far with the passing of time. His targets are always smaller than him now and his verbal attacks are in places where others don’t want to cause a scene nor have to defend themselves. Charlie gets his way most of the time.

How do we deal with someone like Charlie?

Can we be friends with him?

Do we want to be his friend?

Can we help Charlie?

Yes, we can be friends with people like Charlie. As Christians we should want to be friends with Charlie, he needs our knowledge of Jesus more than anyone else. We can help Charlie and if we do what God expects us to do in these circumstances. We can make a difference before Charlie ruins his whole life. As one of Charlie’s classmates you can do all these things. You can be a powerful force for change when you allow God to use you to reach the Charlie Gunboats of this world. No other person in the world has the same chance of being an effective witness to Charlie that you have.

What are some ways you can help Charlie?

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.

.

by Dr. Chuck Baynard

.

The Bible says that children are the glory of the father and a blessing from God. It warns against harming a child and in particular teaching them to sin. The worship services of Israel always included the whole family. Family is the gift of God and I believe is intended of God to show us just a touch of what life will be in heaven where we as children live forever with God the Father.

I place special weight on the subordination shown in Scripture between the members of the Trinity while at the same time Scripture is careful to teach that each is fully God. I think God intends for such harmony because the family should be one even as God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are one. Each has a place in family and society and should be joyfully about serving there where God has placed them. Jesus prays for such a unity in John 17.

Within the last two weeks I have watched a mother desert her husband and children, a father desert children and worse. For 15 years I have been a part of the child advocate program of the South Carolina Governor’s Office to try and protect abused children. I have always marveled at the number of cases of child abuse in York County.

Something is wrong! This is obviously an understatement of the real facts. What is wrong is a nation that plays games with God and only gives lip service to serving God and being one in God’s covenant (church). A man and two sons donated two Saturdays of rigorous physical labor to the church when they could obviously be elsewhere and enjoying things more. This display of commitment to God is what I am talking about and its absence from our nation as a whole is why families are being destroyed and our nation is declining. Christ says if we love Him we will obey Him. Destroying family and not loving all other human beings is not obeying the Bible.

How we treat children is a good indication of how we will treat everyone else when put in a position to do so. Anger and rage are the watchwords of the day as each carefully asserts their rights and well being at the expense of all others.

Children are under God’s special care and have their own personal angel looking over them. The Guarding Angel isn’t fiction; the Bible says it is true.

God hates divorce and yet even among the churched the rate is passing the old fifty percent mark for the failure of new marriages within five years. The failure rate for second and third marriages is very dismal with some polls putting third marriage failures over 80 percent.

Integrity, respect, and many more virtues have been tossed out in the current wave of popular opinion for individual rights and a so-called freedom. Either you serve God or Satan; you will not do it your way though you may think that is what you are doing for a season.

.

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.

.

In the beginning God … (Gen. 1:1) With these words God introduces Himself to mankind through His revealed Word. God condescends to man in the use of the language and culture of the people to whom He first revealed His Word. Yet, nowhere does God ever explain His existence or go into great detail as to why He created things as they are, nor allowed certain events to take place (such as the fall). Theologians have at times moved into this area that Scripture leaves within the mystery of God, but most have tread softly and readily admit it is their attempt at trying to bring understanding to the revealed Word by using man’s finite logic to lift the smallest corner of this curtain known as eternity and enter into the counsel of God. Many see such attempts as sacrilege and declare such excursions are not only sinful, they are impossible for man and any resulting theory is faulted at best with no real foundation to rest upon.

However in some places the Scriptures are clear enough in their implications to gain glimpses into this veil of holiness that guards the mysteries of God. A careful study of the Bible will allow man to see, even if presently in a glass darkly, some parts of God’s mysterious existence before the written record provided by God.

One of the lessons essential to live the holy life demanded by a holy God requires such an attempt so man might understand this thing he calls community. Scripture is clear that God has not only always existed, but has done so in community. The best the early church fathers could do in trying to explain the relationship of the Trinity as an example, was to say that it was proper for the Son to be begotten of the Father eternally and it was proper for the Holy Spirit to proceed from the Father and the Son eternally. God declared that He was One, yet from the opening verses of the Bible we see all three persons and the language concerning God is distinctively plural. It is just as clear that all three persons are fully God and consider it not an intrusion to consider themselves equal. Yet, there is subordination within the Godhead that does not take away from the divinity nor sovereignty of either, but rather establishes it. An economy of community existed before God created the world, or revealed the first word of that which we now know as Scripture.

Here inside the eternal existence of God was a perfect relationship where there was no hint of turmoil or rebellion. Each of the persons having full confidence in self, yet serving each other in a perfection mankind has ever dreamed of. Such a unity of different parts was God’s intent in the creation of humankind, male and female. It is the goal of the church for the whole body of Christ to live in this perfect harmony prayed for by Christ in John 17.

The Ten Commandments existed as it was later written by the finger of God for the good of mankind in this eternal unity we call the Trinity. I see the first three as the rule of relationship between the Son and Holy Spirit toward the Father and the last six as rules of relationship between the three that insured the tranquility and perfect peace that existed in such perfection these three are in reality one. While some might discard the fourth as being of the creation and not eternally present, they greatly err. Existing in relationship requires maintenance of the relationship. A time of communication from superior to lesser. A time of communion (communication) that all understand the requirements of the others. Understand that the application in eternity would have been much more spiritual in nature, but the principle existed.

The Moral Law or Ten Commandments are a reflection of this eternal law reduced to a form that can be read and understood by God’s chief creation, man. Man being created for the sole purpose to glorify God can only reach this creation mandate by obedience to God. While I hold that the Ten Commandments were given to us in the precise order for a purpose, and this fits well in a systematic study of the Bible, it is the fifth commandment we need to understand in all its simplicity and fullness if we are going to approach the unity of relationship with God and others as intended by God, not in the next world, but today.

God gave the rules of relationships in the fifth commandment and the context of marriage and family as the place where man could experience and understand how obedience to the first four commands opens the door of understanding to the proper fear of God. Apart from a proper relationship with God none of the ten will be understood and obedience will ever be just out of reach. This proper relationship will have as its foundation complete obedience to the first table of the law. From this lofty perch of holiness found in obedience to the first table men are able to view the vast panorama of life before God spread before them in the second table. The golden gate to this balanced life is the fifth commandment. Proper understanding of the fifth commandment will make obedience to the last five mere child’s play so to speak.

.

.

Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother

Ask any educator today, public, private, or Christian school and you will get one universal answer as to the biggest problem they face in the classroom; lack of respect or discipline. The fifth commandment appears to be clear enough in itself to indicate that such should not be the problem in Christian schools. In a nation where the majority professes to be Christians and it should also appear near the bottom of the list in public schools.

Though there is a huge problem in America today with substance abuse at younger and younger ages, You will find that for the most part that children of all ages that are in therapy for one or another diagnosis for several so-called social disorders, all pertain to discipline problems that are a direct result of an absence of the application of the fifth commandment as it regards not only parents but all relationships with superiors, inferiors, and equals.

There appears to be an epidemic of younger and younger children being diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD recently changed to ADHD). In adolescence the diagnosis is for one of several official names for rebellious behavior or so-called social disorders. What is happening to American youth?

From personal experience the one thing that is missing in the average American home that has brought us to this brink of destruction for the family in this nation is a complete lack of understanding and application of the fifth commandment. This commandment isn’t addressed to the children in the family, it is addressed to all of mankind. There is a responsibility of those appointed by God to a position in life that is superior to another to render every aid to the inferior in the performance of all the duties that fall to them by nature of their place. Furthermore we find that Paul when addressing the same issue added the wisest commandment that fathers were not to provoke their children to wrath. Failure in all areas of the fifth commandment has brought us into a period of history when there is almost a complete lack of godly relationships in any area of life, beginning in the family and ending in the work place. The fifth commandment is all about relationships and how God has so ordered all that when every person understands their place and responsibility within the providence of God that peace and justice will rule among men.

In homes where proper relationships exist there are few if any problems with children and none of the severity to require outside intervention and especially the seeking of counsel for the children. You can almost measure how well a child will get along in life with how that child gets along with his parents and siblings in the home. The overall harmony of family is in direct relation to the condition of the relationship between the parents. To a far greater extent the academic and social performance of a child can almost always be used as a barometer of the relationship between that child and the father. When there is no relationship, children do not obey their parents, a direct transgression of God’s law to their own detriment and the failure long term of society as we now know it.

In a larger article it might prove most beneficial here to introduce the statistics and case studies of broken families paying particular attention to the families where the father is excluded or given very limited contact with the children. To be brief, data from the world of the professional counselor indicate a direct relationship to both academic performance and mental well being exists where the natural family with a father as its head is missing, and has far reaching affects on children of all ages.

My present purpose is to first lay the foundation that family is God’s gift to man whereby the unity and peace that have ever existed within the Godhead can be seen by man. Second, God gave man the rules for establishing the relationships within the family that will create unity and peace both in the family and in the greater community associated with godly families. Finally, living in an age where broken and faulty relationships are in the majority and increasing and that one of the prices of this dysfunction within the family is rebellious and hurting children, to provide some practical suggestions as to how we can save our children.

The time to begin building the relationship is when the child is born, not after they are of some age and the rebellious nature of the flesh is raging out of control. However for our purposes here we will assume that we have a home with a problem child, who is out of control. What can the parents do to bring peace to the home and restore godly respect in the family of one toward another will be dealt with from the responsibility of the father as the one appointed by God as the head of the household. For the most part we cannot repair broken children when the relationships in the home are broken, as easily as the same child can be restored in the context of a properly functioning family.

First understand that it is never too young to begin building the relationships within the family and we are seeing serious behavioral problems and complete rebellion at younger and younger ages because of broken trusts, relationships. You cannot command the problem to go away nor apply a magic balm that will bring peace. Relationships take time to establish and maintain. It is important that we begin when the child is first born because in crisis, adults return to the methods of coping they learned prior to age twelve. What parents allow today will cross the generational boundaries and be the rule in the childrens homes too.

With the assumption that we have a problem, the first rule is to suspend all rules in the family. That is the child is already in rebellion and the rules are not being obeyed and are causing more problems than they are solving so we back off so to speak. Any rule that is not of a safety issue or sin is left aside for the time being. Current disciplinary actions are pardoned. Boundaries and minimum rules established anew. In other words in Christ we begin anew. Now parents pick your battles. If it isn’t necessary for health, safety, or a sin, leave it alone. Never initiate discipline while you are angry! Dr Kevin LeMan uses the term “Never raise your sails into the wind of an angry child.” The Bible says a soft answer turns away wrath. This doesn’t mean discipline is tossed aside, just used as the intended teaching tool not punishment. We discipline children (train or teach) we punish criminals. Don’t fire all your guns or bring out a cannon when a BB gun will do the trick. By waiting until all tempers are in control and withdrawing one privilege, even if a couple of days later will teach that rules must be obeyed just as firmly as grounding the child until they are forty at the moment of conflict. When issuing the disciplinary sentence remember children don’t have the same perspective of time as mature adults. For example if using a time-out to control an immediate situation, one minute per year of age of the child is sufficient. It may be that they will serve many ten minute time-outs in the course of an afternoon, but it will be more effective than sending them to their room for an hour or two. When there is no hope, there is no incentive to curb further misbehavior.

The first building stone of all relationships is communication. Parents talk to your children. Studies continue to report dismal amounts of time spent in conversation between parents and children. One study shows the average man spends less than five minutes per week talking to his children when it doesn’t involve instructions or commands to do something. Thirty minutes every day per child, when that child has the full attention and is not competing with any outside interference should be the rule. We will find that if we set in place the tradition that the family sits down to eat one meal together every day this requirement is very easy to meet. The emphasis is on sit down together to eat a meal together. It may be a quick sandwich, but the meal is prepared and the family eats together. In hectic schedules with several children we may find that a late supper is the only time this can be arranged, but so be it. On rare occasions with older children it may be that this meal is everyone meets at the closest fast food restaurant, but all are present and all sit down for the meal together. This is a rule that cannot be suspended except for dire emergency.

Parents learn to affirm the feelings of your children and quit being the wise seer with all the answers. By affirming the feelings the biblical principle that we sorrow with them when they are sad and rejoice when they rejoice is put into action. You don’t have to give an answer, especially at the moment. Just letting them know you are aware of their feelings and care is enough. You may have the answer for the child who has just suffered a setback or lost something of importance to them, but that advice can wait until tomorrow or whenever. For the moment share the emotion with them without pat answers or talking down to them; affirm their feelings. Later, even if only an hour or so you may say something like, AI had a situation like this when I was your age and I found out that by doing…… is acceptable and will most likely be received in the spirit it is given. If you have this relationship you will know your children and be sensitive to their hurts and joys. Naturally sharing the emotions becomes automatic and easy, you are establishing and maintaining relationships that can overcome life on earth.

Love your children! You do? Then why do they not know it? Tell your children you love them. Be physical with your children; give them plenty of hugs and kisses with your affirmation and praise. Careful, with older children where this has not been the normal way of family, this will be strange and will be very overtly rejected. If the situation is already bad, begin with verbal praise and endearments and very slowly introduce and increase the intensity of physical affirmation. When someone or something changes radically, it is natural to back off and see why. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. Don’t say it and not do it. Children sense and reject insincerity as if by a magical sixth sense. True integrity must be in place, or the lack of trust will cause all attempts to restore relationships to fail miserably.

Model respect for the children and other people. All the Sunday school lessons in the world will not help when there is no example for the child in the home. What message are you sending to the child when you have nothing but rage and disrespect for everyone around you? Treat children with respect. Include them in the family. Listen to their ideas, hopes, and dreams. Do not talk down to them. You earn the respect of children just like you earn respect of adults. Children will respond to the proper place in subordination when there is a relationship involved.

Remember that God’s commands are always two sided as such and fully cover all situations to which they apply. This means a positive command to do something is just as clear in saying don’t do the opposite and likewise a negative command to not do something just as clearly means to do the opposite. In a similar fashion it covers the whole spectrum or degrees of negative and positive command in all possible degrees concerning anything so commanded. For example it is not a stretch of Scripture to read into the command not to steal a positive command to give.

Be consistent and sincere. Children sense an insincere response as if done from duty alone and will respond with the same legal formality and there is no positive influence to the relationship. It is amazing as we ponder these things how often we will find that the Ten Commandments are directly involved. As in this statement insincerity is a violation of the ninth commandment. Think of the example you are setting when you bring home materials from work as if they were your own. You have violated the eighth commandment indeed, how then can you sincerely tell your children do not steal. You are being neither sincere nor consistent in your example. Asking a child how was your day as you pick up the phone to make that important call is a practical example here. Obviously you are not going to pay attention, so why answer. The message to the child is you don’t care. Suppose the child is just waiting for your arrival to share a big event or hurt in their life and you show this casual non-concern for them. You can say I love you until your teeth fall out and it will land on deaf ears, you have stated much more clearly the child is second place in your life. How often have you asked your child why they had not told you something without considering that you have never given them an honest chance to tell you anything?

This whole scene leads to confrontation and anger that most often results in discipline for a child who didn’t need discipline; they needed a parent before the situation got out of hand. Forget all the cute answers about quality time. Ask a child how to spell quality and I guarantee you that every child will spell it T-I-M-E. Going places and doing things with the children is a necessity, but so is daily time when they can share their day with a father who cares and is there just for them.

As you pray over and understand the full implications of the fifth commandment, you will see the patterns for relationship as God would have them. With God’s answer in hand you can begin again, you can go home again. It is never too late, and no you can’t replace what was lost yesterday, but you can have brighter and more fruitful tomorrow as our Lord tarries in His return.

The terms father and mother in the fifth do not end with parents. From the Bible we see these are terms of respect and apply to all who are superior to us in age or position. Scripture teaches the responsibilities each has to the other and what duty is due to superiors, equals, and inferiors. It is all about love! Respect is the first born of love. The fifth commandment shows what respect from God’s perspective is all about and the what and how of building, maintaining, and restoring families.

We can save our children, and not with the latest medicine to control behavior, but the love of God shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who is given to us because in due time Christ died for the ungodly (Romans 5:5-6). Healthy families are God’s intention and commandment to us. God has given us the tools and the ability to use them. We do have the power, we can do this, God says so!

One closing thought C there are times when godly parents have done all the right things and yet they have their own personal prodigal to live with. We live in the flesh and at times for a reason known only to Himself, God so allows even one of our covenant children to take their stay in the world. To the parent who fits this description I say, quit beating up yourself. Love the child as God loves you, despite the warts so to speak and don’t burn the bridges. God is sovereign and in God’s, not his time the prodigal did return. How many of us have watched the wildest child we ever met grow up to be one of God’s own messengers into the darkest places in His earthly kingdom? I believe if it were permissible I could name a score with no effort who were all but the death of very godly parents, who in God’s time turned out all right to the honor and pride of their parents. Love them and build the relationship, model Christ in all things and trust the Lord. The Westminster Assembly properly said that God at times for His own reasons leaves even the very elect to wallow in their sins for either their instruction or as payment for sins already committed. As I began, I believe we can lift a corner so to speak of the mystery of God, but some things He has reserved to Himself. I believe you too will find some practical relief in this epistle, and I know if you ask, the peace and comfort of God as you await the return to sanity of your prodigal.

.

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.

..

by Dr. Chuck Baynard

.

The Bible describes love this way, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Most Christians understand that to love others is a command of God to them and at least try to strive for this goal. The whole world would benefit from exercising the “Golden “rule” in all situations, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

There are several hundred different disciplines in secular counseling. Most will lead to a false self-esteem that contradicts the Bible, which says, “Do not think more of yourself more than you should.”

The Christian finds they are in between that proverbial rock and hard place from the necessity of self-esteem, at least to knowing who you are and your own limitations and the command to love every person as they love themselves. This causes most to see it as a virtue to place others above themselves.

The psychological world has this at least partially right. By nature we must see some value in self and feel we have a purpose in life. Every human being to ever exist or who will exist in this world were created to love and be loved, to hold and be held.

If we ignore our own needs we will find that soon we are totally burned out and cannot love others, as we should. We have entered into a place where love does not exist and there seems to be no reason for anything. This might be diagnosed as depression, but the core cause is different though the symptoms are the same.

We need to learn how to not only give love graciously and abundantly but to also receive it from others and take time to love ourselves. While the Bible says we should love others it does not say we cannot love ourselves. Balance and perspective are the key here as we will find they are in almost all situations in life.

God has promised us a life not only eternal, but abundant. Abundance is a moot word in heaven where the streets are paved with gold. Obedience of God’s commands will also bring an abundance of blessings this side of heaven. Obey God and dare to love yourself too. This is a win-win situation and will change your world and the world of those around you. It is also contagious and when enough people learn this secret to life it will change the entire world. Love is one of the things God says will last forever, here and in heaven.

.

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.<–>

..

by Dr. Chuck Baynard

.

For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He was seen by Peter, then by the twelve. After that He was seen by over five hundred brethren at once, of whom the greater part remain to the present, but some have fallen asleep (1 Cor. 15:3-5).

.

At the time, Paul originally wrote these words there were literally hundreds of witnesses that had seen Jesus Christ after His burial and that first Easter morning when the tomb stood empty. History reveals some who at the time of the events attempted to dispute the fact Christ was really dead or that He arose from the dead. They were unable to overcome the vast number of eyewitnesses to these events.

Islam has stood opposed to the Christian religion from its founding, yet does not deny these facts from the Bible and history. They like all religions except Christianity deny who Jesus Christ was and not his existence or even the miraculous resurrection. Most simply see Christ as another prophet and of no higher rank than others. Islam of course claims Mohammed is the one true prophet and superior to Jesus.

Who do you say that Jesus Christ is? Any answer other than the Son of God separates you from the Christian religion and the hope that Easter renews each year in millions of hearts as it has since ca 30 AD. Denial of this one event makes the whole of the Bible and its promises pure vanity and Christianity the most poor among the religions of the world.

Jesus asked Peter this question, “Whom do you say I am?” Peter’s response was that He was the Son of God. Jesus said to Peter, flesh and blood has not revealed this to you but the Holy Spirit. This remains true for believers today in that we no longer have this crowd of eyewitnesses to turn to for proof but must accept the words of Scripture as being true. This truth is as alive and vital today by faith as it was for those alive during the time of this world-changing event. As then, it remains the testimony of the Holy Spirit within the believer to his spirit that gives life to this historical fact and the promises of the Bible to people of faith.

Easter is not just celebrating some detail in the life of Jesus Christ, it is the renewing the hope that lives within each believer giving them access to the hope and promises of God and enabling them to know peace and contentment in the storms of life today.

From the pages of the Bible, we have many things that leave room for shadow and debate as to the exact meaning. We also find certain key events that are vital to the heart of our faith, which cannot be denied without denying God in the process. Easter is such a central truth in the life of the followers of Jesus Christ. No Easter means no Christ and no hope of eternal life as promised in the Bible. The first Easter is about Jesus Christ. The last Easter will be about you and me as we join Christ in eternity.

.

Dr. Baynard is an Associate Editor of the Christian Observer and Senior Pastor at Clover Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Clover, South Carolina

.