Teen Talk: And Baby Makes Two

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by Dr. Chuck Baynard

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Dear Pastor,

I am almost seventeen. I just took one of those home pregnancy tests. It was positive. We are Christians and I know mom and dad are going to hit the ceiling. How do I tell them? I told Jack, but he said “so what” that’s your problem. I will be seventeen in a few months and thought Jack would be with me and we could move out then if we had too. Now I am alone and don’t know where to turn. Can you help? Shirley

First things first! Tell your parents immediately! Second, go to a doctor and make sure. If you are pregnant it is crucial at your age that you receive the proper prenatal care and the sooner it is started, the better. The future health of you and the baby can be permanently affected by not receiving proper care from the beginning.

Mom or dad or even both may “hit the ceiling” at first, but they will come around in time. In the majority of cases the anger is very short lived and nowhere as bad as you have talked yourself into believing it is going to be.

Their disappointment, anger or hunt can be dealt with better than the ruined health of their child or yours. Being a Christian family should keep the really bad things you are imagining from happening. Christians above all others should understand forgiveness and the new beginning that Christ gives us each and every day should be practiced in our daily lives. Nonetheless, it has been my experience that the initial fireworks even among non-Christian families is no where as bad as the daughter thought they were going to be.

If you are unable to make this first approach alone, find a relative you trust to be with you when you break the news. Preferably an older aunt or uncle, or perhaps one of your grandparents. If this option isn’t available talk to your pastor. However, not telling your parents right away isn’t an option.

Suppose you are right and they really go off the deep end when they hear the news. This too can be dealt with. It might be necessary for you to be removed from the war zone for a little time. Again, moving into the home of a relative would be my first choice. If that isn’t possible your pastor can help. I am sure there are families in the Church (any Church) who would be willing to put you up for a week or so. Except in the rarest of circumstances I haven’t seen this time out of the home last over two weeks with third party involvement. Especially when the pastor is involved.

There are going to be literally thousands of questions that have to be dealt with in the weeks ahead. Decisions that will have a lasting effect on your future and that of your unborn child.

However, there is no question that must be dealt with today. This is not an emergency operation. The questions can be dealt with one at a time when tempers and emotions have cooled and everyone can think logically. The completion of your education, the involvement of the boy’s family, future housing arrangements, whether to keep the baby or adopt out, who pays for what, the effect of your pregnancy on the rest of the family and the list continues…

Yet, none of these questions must be answered today. Facing the pregnancy and getting the proper care can’t wait. Thus, the involvement of your parents cannot be put off either. Everything else can wait.

Despite the fireworks that ensue when the news is first disclosed, all of these issues can be dealt with calmly later. You will find that telling your parents was the best decision you have made since you stepped over the line that ended in this situation. It is the first step at regaining control of your emotions and future.

God has already forgiven you. Your parents and others will too. Jesus Christ paid for our mistakes (sins) past, present, and future. The Church and your pastor should be the primary support network you need to work through all these issues with yourself and your family. No one can help though, until you step up and ask.

Your life has just changed forever. But, it isn’t over. Your future is still just as bright as it ever was and perhaps even better if the issues are faced and handled correctly from the beginning. Once more, I think you are going to be surprised at how your parents handle this in the long run. I haven’t met many parents who will turn their back on a child in trouble. Even if they do, God is still there and in charge.

Help is available and you are going to come through this.

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